A couple of nights ago, my friend Amanda wrote on my facebook wall that I was in People Magazine.
Apparently, I am an importantly public figure whose every move must be chronicled and then facebooked about:
I put on some pants and flew out of the door at 9:20pm for the local corner store. They did not have People.
Then I went to Rite Aid, where I found a People Magazine – and a deodorant ad on Page 71. I had a panic attack at the Rite Aid counter that my friend Amanda had surreptitiously chosen 7:12pm and People Magazine as the time and vehicle with which to torment my soul. When things don’t go right in my life, I skip directly ahead to paranoia.
Well, apparently Greenpoint, BK is one week behind on People (and people are about 15 years behind on fashion, be they old Polish ladies or 20-something hipsters).
Finally, I took a walk during lunch the next day and went to the nearest Duane Reade in MANHATTAN to pick up the issue – the one with “The Bachelor” and “The Skank-Whore Fiancee” on the cover. I flip to Page 71, and there it is:
Here, let me help you:
OMG, it's me, the glamorous hippie who is also an NYU student and has a black boyfriend
Trust me, this is more mind-blowing in print – in your hands – than online.
This was a paparazzi photo of James Franco playing my custom Bushman Jenny ukulele on the set of “Eat, Pray, Love” while I stood in the background, laughing in a long-sleeved velvet dress in the dead of August – with a Mexican paper flower crown on my head (which, by the way, I wish I had the balls to steal for my three dimensional scrap book aka the bin in my closet).
But yes, I am in People Magazine! I am “in” People Magazine like a Japanese person is “on” SNL (1/16 of a page v. 1/16 of FRED ARMISEN)!
ANYWAY, my publicist will be sending out this impressive photo to “Wow” important industry connections very soon.
Meanwhile, if you have any press inquires, you can reach my publicist at email@example.com. You should expect a response right away.