And now literally, Chuck is Lily’s son!
This was a masterpiece in GG episodes, but I wouldn’t have known it from the opening scene: Too much plaid! A puppy in a bag?! YOU WATCH GILMORE GIRLS?!?! We get it, Blair’s dad and Blair’s dad’s gay Italian lover: YOU’RE GAAAY!!!
But I have to ask this question in earnest: Do they email people college admissions results nowadays? Is a .pdf attachment the new “big envelope?!” Across the nation, are there choruses of “Did you get a 1KB or a 5MB?!”
Also, hearing that SAT scores are higher than 1600 only made me feel like stocking up on Metamucil and fucking Clarks slip-on mules. And the dumbass-getting-into-Yale story was so Saved By the Bell (Zac getting into Yale and and Jesse only got into Columbia, GODDAMMIT, that’s why she ran away to Las Vegas and became a topless dancer)!
But wouldn’t Serena at Yale be the most hilarious thing!? I can barely see her keeping her head above water at Baruch. But who cares?! The producers are going to find some way to make them all go to NYU anyhow! Plus, Serena can design her own major at Gallatin: Décolletage Studies.
I was severely peeved that Blair just kinda brushed off Serena giving up Yale for her! Yeah, Serena didn’t want to go, so it was kind of like how I “give” other people my banana Runts because I don’t like them, but I know that someone must enjoy them! But still – couldn’t she have shown more appreciation to Serena?!?! UGHHHH. She was rolling around with her cougars-in-training – who were wearing waaay too much leopard print, btw! Just because Betsy Johnson makes it doesn’t mean you have to buy it! Instead, Blair should have been at Sarabeth’s with Serena having crumpets or something.
Anyway, my favorite thing about this episode is Lily and Chuck. I 100% love that they are working together: Lily’s finally using brains of some sort (although their origins are a completely mystery to me) and Chuck is not being a TOTAL dick. But yeah, it was pretty screwed up for Lily to be going out with Rufus right after her husband’s death – WTF?! And that almost-rape scene with Uncle Jack was disturbing. It gave me the chills, and all I could think about was how hard it must have been to shoot that since Kelly Rutherford was pregnant at the time. You have to make it look real, but you don’t want to smoosh the bun in the oven!
Another thing to lovelovelove about this episode as someone who has worked in the arts and music education: the opera! OK, I hate that they made it such an elitist thing (though that’s not totally inaccurate). However, I THOROUGHLY enjoyed Eric’s opera spiel. It was great to hear that sort of scripted enthusiasm come out of a young person. But really, we get it: YOU IS GAAAY! Tone it down, writers. Tone. It. Dooooown.
Serena looked gorgeous on the couch at the opera, but I really thought her boob was going to fly out at one point and there was another “mayday” moment when she flexed her pec, which was half-impressive, half-tranny. I could have gagged during the completely annoying Serena-Dan conversation, but a major plus is that it allowed me to figure out why Serena mumbles: so that her frown lines don’t know. 17-year-olds aren’t supposed to have frown lines! Even Ms. Carr looks younger than Serena.
And BTW, my boyfriend Tom started watching this episode with me tonight (his suggestion, not mine!) and his first question was “Are these people supposed to be under the age of 23?” Oy vey! Although he held it together, he had to leave after Serena’s Yale bail. He just didn’t get why anyone would help out a total bitch. I tried to explain it to him via the phrase “frenemies”, but this made about as much sense as if I had jumped up and down on an ottoman and smashed a banana on my face. Needless to say,Tom still didn’t get it and decided to wash the dishes/take a shower instead…. He literally had to cleanse the awesomeness of GG off his body.
So although I love Blair and she has TONS of redeeming qualities like cute jackets and pretty eyelashes, I am glad that she is finally getting a little pushback. However, I don’t think she’s really going to learn from this. She looked totally shaken when she walked out of the headmistress’ office (again, more great Meester Method acting), but her “craaazy” walk showed otherwise. Where is Cyrus with his moral compass?! Blair was MARCHING in those patent leather heels.
A witch has a cat and a broomstick. A Blair bitch has a bulldog and a Bentley.
As summarized by Dorota: “Uh oh. Is it war?”
Question of the Week: WHAT is “black ops” in Blair’s world?
A) The must-have Spring 09 Balenciaga clutch
B) Hiring dudes outta Harlem and Bed-Stuy to mess with the new teacher
C) Blackmailing Ms. Carr for her impending affair with Dan Humphrey (Although she doesn’t know this yet – Blair is the shit, but she’s not psychic! Tscha!)
D) ______________________ (write your own)