So the stupid G Train foiled all my weekend interactions with the world outside of Greenpoint ONCE AGAIN! I had to go to the L like my backup booty call, walking across McCarren Park at all hours and making a stranger pedestrian’s-eye-view progression from old school Polish tax preparation offices to acid wash/feather/vintage boot-juxtaposing hipsters.
I seriously made up the acid wash/feather/vintage boot thing, but then I found this photo.....
Last night, I came back from a great gig at Hunter College, “If My Vagina Could Talk”, a benefit for Vday. I met a lot of other great performers, and I always love playing for students -who are usually tickled to see someone singing curse words in a lecture hall.
The L (especially to Bedford) is increasingly more Meatpacking District-ified. You know a place is done when high schoolers get fake IDs to go there.
I never felt like a more “legit” “Brooklyn-based” “comedian” than last night, when I was coming home from a gig at 12am while a gaggle of five Gossip Girls were “going out” in Williamsburg. Requisite squealing from one that “OMG, we’re in Brooklyn!!” with feigned fear while her id boileth over with self-satisfaction that she is edgy and cool enough to be in fucking Brooklyn. VOM. These baby-faced 17-year-olds with waaaaaaaayheyheeeeeey too much make up freak me out. Don’t the know they don’t look like 20-something starlets? Instead, they are rocking the toddler-in-a-pageant look SUPERhard. Everyone in the group was wearing the latest boots – but only the middle-of-the-road teen-friendly brands (i.e. Steve Madden, Uggs, Candies). And of course, there was the one dumpy friend who had on a POUFY winter coat and SNEAKERS (“What was she thinking?!”). Nice to know that some things just never change.
Gossip Girl Clones - Target, why are you such an enabler?!
The best, though, was the trio of adolescent crazy-but-not-funny high school outcast kids on the train. Literally: 1) A guy with long hair, craaazy 80s sunglasses and a video camera, 2) Shy, awkward follower girl with pink streaks in her hair, and 3) Young Chelsea gay-in-training. (If those other teens were Gossip Girl wannabes, this was Glee come to life.)
When I walked in the train, Young Chelsea was shellacking the subway pole with Purell, getting ready, apparently, to do somethign craaaaaazy and video-worthy.
His friends were egging him on, the camera was in full force and YC starts swirling around, pulling off horrifically uncoordinated moves with incredible panache. Secretly, I was scared for his balls.
Most of the people on the train were looking, and myself and this bourg-y blonde across from me were cracking the eff up. YC goes on for a couple minutes with Tom Green’s tenacity, and actually pulls off some legitimate twirls. He sets me into uncontrollable stomach-hurt laughter when he stops in the middle of a flourish and proclaims: “Ughhh, I can’t DO this anymore!!! I need more Purell!” He receives said sanitary lotion from Shy/Awk Girl and really starts to work the crowd now: “I need some music…” Shy/Awk Girl says “You need some, like, Lady Gaga” and she and Long Hair/CamBoy simultaneously launch into: “Ra-ra, roma-ma! Gaga, ooh-lalaaaaaa!”
Ironically, the one impressive move that YC actually did (held himself up with legs fully extended around the pole) was never captured on film for whatever purpose (*cough* YouTube! *cough*) this shenanigan was meant to serve. It’s nice to know that live performance is still kicking.
I hope those crazy bitches had a great night and made it back safely to La Guardia or whatever high school drama program from whence they escpaed. See you guys at NYFA, FIT and AMDA in a few years.
BTW, if we had combined the GG Wannabes with the pole-dancing Glee Wannabes, this is surely what would have ensued:
Attention Whoring High Schoolers On Halloween