Momma’s Boys Season Finale: The Guys Make Their Choices

It’s the last set of dates on the US Virgin Islands and the guys are going on final dates with girls who are mom’s choice.

Last Day in Paradise

First Date:  Jojo and his MOM, Mrs. B

Oh my God, watching Jojo go on a “date” with his mom makes me want to throw up.  Jesus CHRIST!!!  This woman is nuts.  Why would you talk about your son using words like “gorgeous”, “great body” and “SEXY”?!?!?!?!  However, I was super-satisfied by the hilarious juxtaposition of Mindy swimming gracefully through the water and then Mrs. B paddling around like a hippo.  I’m also relieved by Jojo’s reaction to the date:  UTTER DISGUST.

Second Date:  Rob and Lauren

Rob is on the date with Lauren, and he looks bored/confused sitting there listening to her talk about her feelings.  Since her words have no effect on him, she grabs him and kisses him.  Now it’s all good!!!  God.  Jesus.  I’m glad to see that Lauren, one of the girls with small “boobies”, is left.  But Rob admits that he still went to bed and woke up thinking about Camilla.

Third Date:  Michael and Erica

Michael and Erica go on a yacht.  I have to say that Erica’s outfits are really flattering, yet still cute/conservative.  She’s wearing a pretty purple dress with horizontal stripes.    She and Michael have a romantic and fun time, but she still can’t bring herself to tell Michael about her “modeling” aka being Penthouse Pet of the Year.  He even kisses her differently than Meghan – not swallowing her face.  But you can just see it in Erica’s eyes:  this secret is haunting the heck outta her!  Then we see a really weird horror-movie style montage of everything that’s happened since Erica has been here.  God, these producers are good!

For the second part of their date, Erica walks in, sits down and immediately tells Michael that she is the Penthouse Pet of the Year.  He’s smiling for about half a minute.  And then he’s like “Whoops” and starts to look disturbed.  He tells the cameras “I don’t know”.  What he can’t say is: “OK, I’m not picking her, but if I met her in a bar I’d definitely sleep with her.  Do you guys have her number?  Can I get her number?”  The awesome thing is that when Erica tells Lorraine, Lorraine says that she doesn’t feel differently about her – cooooooool!!!  That’s beautiful!!! She sums it up though:  “The irony of it all….”

Talks with Mom:

Esther is getting a little Mrs. B with Rob dating Camilla, but she’s got more tact so her argument is a tad bit more about culture than race.  Lorraine is still supporting Erica even though she realizes how crazy it is that she had Michael eliminate a Playboy model to end up with a Penthouse Pet.  Mrs. B is breaking down, telling Jojo that Mindy’s not good enough for him.  Really?  A smiley kindergarten teacher from the South?  Really?

Elimination:

Now we’re at the elimination, where the guys have to choose a girl to go with him on the yacht.  Rob picks LAUREN – WTF???  You can really tell that Rob knows he made the wrong decision in letting Camilla go when they say good bye to each other.  Obviously he sold his soul in choosing Lauren.  He stood up for himself every step of the way, and I would think that if any guy could hold his own, it would have been him.  Whatever.  WIMP.

Michael has to choose between Amanda and Erica…and I can’t believe Michael chose Amanda!!!  Ughhhh she’s annoying and I don’t think he has feelings for her!  Whatever.

Jojo has to choose between Mindy and his MOM.  GROSS!!!  Walk away from the womb.  Before he can say anything, Mindy breaks down and says that she has strong feelings for him and that her parents raised her right, but she can’t be with Jojo because Mrs. B’s reins are too tight.  After this speech, Jojo picks her!!!  Yaaay!!!  Jojo tells her that this is not even about standing up to his mom anymore – he just wants to give it a try with Mindy.  YES, boy! This is what normal people do:  make decisions based on their own thoughs and feelings.  Mrs. B walks away and screams at the crew that she’s not doing any interviews.

Epilogue:

All the couples were offered 3 more days in paradise.

Rob left the island early – and alone.

Mrs. B was offered counseling – and declined.

Erica’s Penthouse contract expired and she went to Florida to visit Lorraine.  Lorraine even gave her a friendship bracelet before they left the island – awwww!

Final Opinion:

This show is ridiculous, but it’s a train wreck you just can’t turn away from!  I can’t wait to see what insane mothers, wimpy dudes and skanky models next season brings!!!

Momma’s Boys Episode 5 – Last Show Before the Finale!!!

I can’t believe Momma’s Boys is almost over. I loved that they moved it to an island after four freaking episodes; however, this now feels like Temptation Island or Paradise Hotel or one of those STD-fests.

Michael goes on a date with Meghan and they pretty much make out the whole time. It’s hilarious, because before they leave for the date, Michael’s mom approaches Meghan and says that the way she dresses is “Rough. It’s hard to me. I can’t quite say it…it’s just….” SLUTTY?! Meghan thankfully chimes in with “Not that classy?” while everyone in America is yelling “Skanky!!!” at the television set. Michael also goes on a date with Amanda, but it’s pretty boring.

Rob goes on a date with Camilla and they are really hitting it off. Rob’s mom is flipping OUT saying that they are just friends (this is spliced with footage of Rob and Camilla making out). After an eight hour date – during which time Rob’s mom is sitting on the couch waiting and stewing – Camilla comes back elated, but Rob’s mom yells at her for buying Rob a “flower shirt”. WHAAAAAA?!?! I know.

Jojo goes on a date with Mindy, who is criticized to her face by Jojo’s mom for having boobs that are too big. WHAT A BITCH!!!! A racist. An ass-ist, A boob-ist. Where does this woman stop?! On the date, Mindy confronts Jojo and questions whether he’d ever be able to stick up for a girl in front of his mom. YOU GO GIRL!!!

At the elimination, Michael gets rid of Meghan, proving that bad girls finish last. His mom selects Erica to go on the “final date” on next week’s episode. Rob eliminates Nikki (seriously, who is this girl?!) and his mom makes him go on a final date with Lauren. Jojo’s stupid ass racist mom chooses NO girl because – SURPRISE! – “No girl is good enough for my son”. WTF?! Mindy is a kindergarten teacher who is so adorable she could make a terrorist cry. ANYWAY, Jojo admits to everyone that he has fallen for Mindy, so Julie leaves. She hilariously – like every girl eliminated by Jojo – looks relieved that she will no longer have to deal with Mrs. B.

On next week’s episode, there is a “surprising twist” that Mrs. B actually puts herself into the running for her son’s choice, forcing him to choose between romance and his mom. GROSS!! This is Oedipus to the nth degree. And plus, it’s a little Slade Smiley. I can’t believe that someone this crazy exists AND agreed to go on a television show AND is going along with all this stuff that just make sher look more ridiculous.

Till next time! My predictions are that all the guys are freaking wimps except Rob. Michael will pick Amanda (but I do kinda want him to pick Eric), Rob will pick Camilla and Jojo is going to have his head on his mom’s breasts (which are huge, hello!!!) forever.

Momma’s Boys Episode 4

OK, I finally saw this episode on a WE rerun.  Since we’re coming up on Episode 5 tonight (the only episode left before the finale!!!), I’m just going to do a quick run-down:

The secret “love” tryst between Michael and Meghan made me want to throw up.

Jojo picking up his nephew was so cute.

I find Lauren SO annoying.  Doesn’t she look evil?!

Camilla is too tall to be dating any of those guys.  Does that make me a height-ist?

I love that Michael’s reason for asking Erica on a date is that she has “a really hot body”.  This guy’s a winner.  And he thinks that Erica’s reserved?!?!  Hilarious.  She stretches her poon out to show dudes what’s inside!!!  I can’t wait until she has to reveal her Penthouse/porn “modeling” career.

Misty is still here?!

I wanted to throw up when Khalood was crying to Maisha and Camilla about black chicks!  I’m sure it was a satisfying moment for the girls, though.  Mrs. B:  WHAT a dumb ass!

Jojo picks the most disgustingly adorable Southern blonde girls, Julie and Mindy.  OBVIOUSLY to please his mom, proving that he’s screwed for life.

Esther looks really good for 58, Lorraine looks GREAT for 48 and Mrs. B is looking pretty gross for 50.  She looks 10 years older than Lorraine, but she’s only actually 2 years older.  That’s BAD.  Racism ages you.

This is the definition of MILF right here.

Add two years and racism, this is what you get!