Momma’s Boys Season Finale: The Guys Make Their Choices

It’s the last set of dates on the US Virgin Islands and the guys are going on final dates with girls who are mom’s choice.

Last Day in Paradise

First Date:  Jojo and his MOM, Mrs. B

Oh my God, watching Jojo go on a “date” with his mom makes me want to throw up.  Jesus CHRIST!!!  This woman is nuts.  Why would you talk about your son using words like “gorgeous”, “great body” and “SEXY”?!?!?!?!  However, I was super-satisfied by the hilarious juxtaposition of Mindy swimming gracefully through the water and then Mrs. B paddling around like a hippo.  I’m also relieved by Jojo’s reaction to the date:  UTTER DISGUST.

Second Date:  Rob and Lauren

Rob is on the date with Lauren, and he looks bored/confused sitting there listening to her talk about her feelings.  Since her words have no effect on him, she grabs him and kisses him.  Now it’s all good!!!  God.  Jesus.  I’m glad to see that Lauren, one of the girls with small “boobies”, is left.  But Rob admits that he still went to bed and woke up thinking about Camilla.

Third Date:  Michael and Erica

Michael and Erica go on a yacht.  I have to say that Erica’s outfits are really flattering, yet still cute/conservative.  She’s wearing a pretty purple dress with horizontal stripes.    She and Michael have a romantic and fun time, but she still can’t bring herself to tell Michael about her “modeling” aka being Penthouse Pet of the Year.  He even kisses her differently than Meghan – not swallowing her face.  But you can just see it in Erica’s eyes:  this secret is haunting the heck outta her!  Then we see a really weird horror-movie style montage of everything that’s happened since Erica has been here.  God, these producers are good!

For the second part of their date, Erica walks in, sits down and immediately tells Michael that she is the Penthouse Pet of the Year.  He’s smiling for about half a minute.  And then he’s like “Whoops” and starts to look disturbed.  He tells the cameras “I don’t know”.  What he can’t say is: “OK, I’m not picking her, but if I met her in a bar I’d definitely sleep with her.  Do you guys have her number?  Can I get her number?”  The awesome thing is that when Erica tells Lorraine, Lorraine says that she doesn’t feel differently about her – cooooooool!!!  That’s beautiful!!! She sums it up though:  “The irony of it all….”

Talks with Mom:

Esther is getting a little Mrs. B with Rob dating Camilla, but she’s got more tact so her argument is a tad bit more about culture than race.  Lorraine is still supporting Erica even though she realizes how crazy it is that she had Michael eliminate a Playboy model to end up with a Penthouse Pet.  Mrs. B is breaking down, telling Jojo that Mindy’s not good enough for him.  Really?  A smiley kindergarten teacher from the South?  Really?

Elimination:

Now we’re at the elimination, where the guys have to choose a girl to go with him on the yacht.  Rob picks LAUREN – WTF???  You can really tell that Rob knows he made the wrong decision in letting Camilla go when they say good bye to each other.  Obviously he sold his soul in choosing Lauren.  He stood up for himself every step of the way, and I would think that if any guy could hold his own, it would have been him.  Whatever.  WIMP.

Michael has to choose between Amanda and Erica…and I can’t believe Michael chose Amanda!!!  Ughhhh she’s annoying and I don’t think he has feelings for her!  Whatever.

Jojo has to choose between Mindy and his MOM.  GROSS!!!  Walk away from the womb.  Before he can say anything, Mindy breaks down and says that she has strong feelings for him and that her parents raised her right, but she can’t be with Jojo because Mrs. B’s reins are too tight.  After this speech, Jojo picks her!!!  Yaaay!!!  Jojo tells her that this is not even about standing up to his mom anymore – he just wants to give it a try with Mindy.  YES, boy! This is what normal people do:  make decisions based on their own thoughs and feelings.  Mrs. B walks away and screams at the crew that she’s not doing any interviews.

Epilogue:

All the couples were offered 3 more days in paradise.

Rob left the island early – and alone.

Mrs. B was offered counseling – and declined.

Erica’s Penthouse contract expired and she went to Florida to visit Lorraine.  Lorraine even gave her a friendship bracelet before they left the island – awwww!

Final Opinion:

This show is ridiculous, but it’s a train wreck you just can’t turn away from!  I can’t wait to see what insane mothers, wimpy dudes and skanky models next season brings!!!

Momma’s Boys Episode 3

OK, so I missed Episode 3 (aired 12/22) because I was at home in CA, where my parents don’t have DVR – whaaat?! I couldn’t find a legit version of the full episode online until NBC finally put it up like, yesterday. AND I missed Episode 4 (aired 1/5) because Superstars of Dance was on, and I didn’t think that there was going to be a Momma’s Boys this week.  I’ll put Episode 4 up later, but for now….

Momma’s Boys Episode 3:

A huge David Blaine prop-looking plexi-glass box is delivered to the mansion. Inside were files on each of the girls – including Erica’s Biblical (in length and content) collection of naughty “adult” photo shoots. So what to do? If you are a classy Momma’s Boys contestant, CONFESS THAT YOU WERE IN PLAYBOY. That’s right! No less than three girls were in Playboy: Brittany Fuchs, Stacy Fuson and Meghan Allen. Not to mention Ms. Erica Ellyson, who was in Penthouse (although  her file was never seen by the moms). Just Google these girls. I won’t put any links to the photos here because there are SIMPLY TOO MANY. I’ll let you explore on your own. Don’t want to limit your enjoyment. Personally, I think that Brittany is the hottest and she has a bodacious booty (hilariously referred to by Mrs. B as “junk in the trunk).   Maybe when this is over, all the girls can do a spread together – just a thought!

Although everyone is freaked out by the psychotic Cara (we’ll get to that later), I find Michelle Kopasz to be the most hilarious contestant.  This is the plastic surgery chick who has had botox and two boob jobs by the age of 25 to “preserve” herself.  She also has about $138,000 in debt.  HOLY shit!  How does it get that far?  Maybe you should cut back on the shopping sprees after you hit…I dunno, five digits?!  She was also a failed contestant on Paris Hilton’s BFF show.  Truly a fame chasing hoochie.

In this episode, we are also treated to more of Mrs. B’s hypocrisy.  In a cooking challenge, they girls have to choose which mom to cook with (or cook their own “wild card” dish). EVERYONE gravitated towards Lorraine and Esther (and in the creepiest moment on the show, her son Rob blew on her neck while she was cooking to cool her down.  Whaaaa…??? ).  Mrs. B is left out in the cold and she starts freaking crying and threatening to leave because she’s offended that the girls are rejecting their Middle Eastern culture.  Or maybe they are just rejecting your bitchy racist ass!!!  And plus, the girls not choosing your dish is nothing – NOTHING – compared to saying that you don’t want a Black, Asian or Jewish daughter-in-law!

However, despite the racism, there IS someone on this show who is crazier than Mrs. B: Cara (and if Mrs. B is trying to calm YOU down, that means you are damn crazy).  When Cara gets  a “No” text at elimination, she goes ballistic and yells at the producers to get the cameras out of her face, etc.  In her grand exit speech, she sums it up with funeral-level tears, crazy eyes and these words:   “I didn’t even get a date!!! I did this all for nothing!!! I came here to date!!!”  BRILLIANT!

HOWEVER, absolutely none of this compared to THE funniest moment of the show:  Maisha’s breakdown when Brittany was eliminated.  If anyone can find this online, please link it in the comments.  That shit was HILARIOUS.  Maisha is hysterically crying/wailing and practically falling down the stairs in her high heels when she sees Brittany go.  Major Miss Americ-style freak out!!!