Momma’s Boys Season Finale: The Guys Make Their Choices

It’s the last set of dates on the US Virgin Islands and the guys are going on final dates with girls who are mom’s choice.

Last Day in Paradise

Last Day in Paradise

First Date:  Jojo and his MOM, Mrs. B

Oh my God, watching Jojo go on a “date” with his mom makes me want to throw up.  Jesus CHRIST!!!  This woman is nuts.  Why would you talk about your son using words like “gorgeous”, “great body” and “SEXY”?!?!?!?!  However, I was super-satisfied by the hilarious juxtaposition of Mindy swimming gracefully through the water and then Mrs. B paddling around like a hippo.  I’m also relieved by Jojo’s reaction to the date:  UTTER DISGUST.

Second Date:  Rob and Lauren

Rob is on the date with Lauren, and he looks bored/confused sitting there listening to her talk about her feelings.  Since her words have no effect on him, she grabs him and kisses him.  Now it’s all good!!!  God.  Jesus.  I’m glad to see that Lauren, one of the girls with small “boobies”, is left.  But Rob admits that he still went to bed and woke up thinking about Camilla.

Third Date:  Michael and Erica

Michael and Erica go on a yacht.  I have to say that Erica’s outfits are really flattering, yet still cute/conservative.  She’s wearing a pretty purple dress with horizontal stripes.    She and Michael have a romantic and fun time, but she still can’t bring herself to tell Michael about her “modeling” aka being Penthouse Pet of the Year.  He even kisses her differently than Meghan – not swallowing her face.  But you can just see it in Erica’s eyes:  this secret is haunting the heck outta her!  Then we see a really weird horror-movie style montage of everything that’s happened since Erica has been here.  God, these producers are good!

For the second part of their date, Erica walks in, sits down and immediately tells Michael that she is the Penthouse Pet of the Year.  He’s smiling for about half a minute.  And then he’s like “Whoops” and starts to look disturbed.  He tells the cameras “I don’t know”.  What he can’t say is: “OK, I’m not picking her, but if I met her in a bar I’d definitely sleep with her.  Do you guys have her number?  Can I get her number?”  The awesome thing is that when Erica tells Lorraine, Lorraine says that she doesn’t feel differently about her – cooooooool!!!  That’s beautiful!!! She sums it up though:  “The irony of it all….”

Talks with Mom:

Esther is getting a little Mrs. B with Rob dating Camilla, but she’s got more tact so her argument is a tad bit more about culture than race.  Lorraine is still supporting Erica even though she realizes how crazy it is that she had Michael eliminate a Playboy model to end up with a Penthouse Pet.  Mrs. B is breaking down, telling Jojo that Mindy’s not good enough for him.  Really?  A smiley kindergarten teacher from the South?  Really?

Elimination:

Now we’re at the elimination, where the guys have to choose a girl to go with him on the yacht.  Rob picks LAUREN – WTF???  You can really tell that Rob knows he made the wrong decision in letting Camilla go when they say good bye to each other.  Obviously he sold his soul in choosing Lauren.  He stood up for himself every step of the way, and I would think that if any guy could hold his own, it would have been him.  Whatever.  WIMP.

Michael has to choose between Amanda and Erica…and I can’t believe Michael chose Amanda!!!  Ughhhh she’s annoying and I don’t think he has feelings for her!  Whatever.

Jojo has to choose between Mindy and his MOM.  GROSS!!!  Walk away from the womb.  Before he can say anything, Mindy breaks down and says that she has strong feelings for him and that her parents raised her right, but she can’t be with Jojo because Mrs. B’s reins are too tight.  After this speech, Jojo picks her!!!  Yaaay!!!  Jojo tells her that this is not even about standing up to his mom anymore – he just wants to give it a try with Mindy.  YES, boy! This is what normal people do:  make decisions based on their own thoughs and feelings.  Mrs. B walks away and screams at the crew that she’s not doing any interviews.

Epilogue:

All the couples were offered 3 more days in paradise.

Rob left the island early – and alone.

Mrs. B was offered counseling – and declined.

Erica’s Penthouse contract expired and she went to Florida to visit Lorraine.  Lorraine even gave her a friendship bracelet before they left the island – awwww!

Final Opinion:

This show is ridiculous, but it’s a train wreck you just can’t turn away from!  I can’t wait to see what insane mothers, wimpy dudes and skanky models next season brings!!!

Momma’s Boys Episode 5 – Last Show Before the Finale!!!

I can’t believe Momma’s Boys is almost over. I loved that they moved it to an island after four freaking episodes; however, this now feels like Temptation Island or Paradise Hotel or one of those STD-fests.

Michael goes on a date with Meghan and they pretty much make out the whole time. It’s hilarious, because before they leave for the date, Michael’s mom approaches Meghan and says that the way she dresses is “Rough. It’s hard to me. I can’t quite say it…it’s just….” SLUTTY?! Meghan thankfully chimes in with “Not that classy?” while everyone in America is yelling “Skanky!!!” at the television set. Michael also goes on a date with Amanda, but it’s pretty boring.

Rob goes on a date with Camilla and they are really hitting it off. Rob’s mom is flipping OUT saying that they are just friends (this is spliced with footage of Rob and Camilla making out). After an eight hour date – during which time Rob’s mom is sitting on the couch waiting and stewing – Camilla comes back elated, but Rob’s mom yells at her for buying Rob a “flower shirt”. WHAAAAAA?!?! I know.

Jojo goes on a date with Mindy, who is criticized to her face by Jojo’s mom for having boobs that are too big. WHAT A BITCH!!!! A racist. An ass-ist, A boob-ist. Where does this woman stop?! On the date, Mindy confronts Jojo and questions whether he’d ever be able to stick up for a girl in front of his mom. YOU GO GIRL!!!

At the elimination, Michael gets rid of Meghan, proving that bad girls finish last. His mom selects Erica to go on the “final date” on next week’s episode. Rob eliminates Nikki (seriously, who is this girl?!) and his mom makes him go on a final date with Lauren. Jojo’s stupid ass racist mom chooses NO girl because – SURPRISE! – “No girl is good enough for my son”. WTF?! Mindy is a kindergarten teacher who is so adorable she could make a terrorist cry. ANYWAY, Jojo admits to everyone that he has fallen for Mindy, so Julie leaves. She hilariously – like every girl eliminated by Jojo – looks relieved that she will no longer have to deal with Mrs. B.

On next week’s episode, there is a “surprising twist” that Mrs. B actually puts herself into the running for her son’s choice, forcing him to choose between romance and his mom. GROSS!! This is Oedipus to the nth degree. And plus, it’s a little Slade Smiley. I can’t believe that someone this crazy exists AND agreed to go on a television show AND is going along with all this stuff that just make sher look more ridiculous.

Till next time! My predictions are that all the guys are freaking wimps except Rob. Michael will pick Amanda (but I do kinda want him to pick Eric), Rob will pick Camilla and Jojo is going to have his head on his mom’s breasts (which are huge, hello!!!) forever.

Momma’s Boys Episode 4

OK, I finally saw this episode on a WE rerun.  Since we’re coming up on Episode 5 tonight (the only episode left before the finale!!!), I’m just going to do a quick run-down:

The secret “love” tryst between Michael and Meghan made me want to throw up.

Jojo picking up his nephew was so cute.

I find Lauren SO annoying.  Doesn’t she look evil?!

Camilla is too tall to be dating any of those guys.  Does that make me a height-ist?

I love that Michael’s reason for asking Erica on a date is that she has “a really hot body”.  This guy’s a winner.  And he thinks that Erica’s reserved?!?!  Hilarious.  She stretches her poon out to show dudes what’s inside!!!  I can’t wait until she has to reveal her Penthouse/porn “modeling” career.

Misty is still here?!

I wanted to throw up when Khalood was crying to Maisha and Camilla about black chicks!  I’m sure it was a satisfying moment for the girls, though.  Mrs. B:  WHAT a dumb ass!

Jojo picks the most disgustingly adorable Southern blonde girls, Julie and Mindy.  OBVIOUSLY to please his mom, proving that he’s screwed for life.

Esther looks really good for 58, Lorraine looks GREAT for 48 and Mrs. B is looking pretty gross for 50.  She looks 10 years older than Lorraine, but she’s only actually 2 years older.  That’s BAD.  Racism ages you.

This is the definition of MILF right here.

This is the definition of MILF right here.

Add two years and racism, this is what you get!

Add two years and racism, this is what you get!

Momma’s Boys Episode 3

OK, so I missed Episode 3 (aired 12/22) because I was at home in CA, where my parents don’t have DVR – whaaat?! I couldn’t find a legit version of the full episode online until NBC finally put it up like, yesterday. AND I missed Episode 4 (aired 1/5) because Superstars of Dance was on, and I didn’t think that there was going to be a Momma’s Boys this week.  I’ll put Episode 4 up later, but for now….

Momma’s Boys Episode 3:

brit-file

A huge David Blaine prop-looking plexi-glass box is delivered to the mansion. Inside were files on each of the girls – including Erica’s Biblical (in length and content) collection of naughty “adult” photo shoots. So what to do? If you are a classy Momma’s Boys contestant, CONFESS THAT YOU WERE IN PLAYBOY. That’s right! No less than three girls were in Playboy: Brittany Fuchs, Stacy Fuson and Meghan Allen. Not to mention Ms. Erica Ellyson, who was in Penthouse (although  her file was never seen by the moms). Just Google these girls. I won’t put any links to the photos here because there are SIMPLY TOO MANY. I’ll let you explore on your own. Don’t want to limit your enjoyment. Personally, I think that Brittany is the hottest and she has a bodacious booty (hilariously referred to by Mrs. B as “junk in the trunk).   Maybe when this is over, all the girls can do a spread together – just a thought!

brittany
Although everyone is freaked out by the psychotic Cara (we’ll get to that later), I find Michelle Kopasz to be the most hilarious contestant.  This is the plastic surgery chick who has had botox and two boob jobs by the age of 25 to “preserve” herself.  She also has about $138,000 in debt.  HOLY shit!  How does it get that far?  Maybe you should cut back on the shopping sprees after you hit…I dunno, five digits?!  She was also a failed contestant on Paris Hilton’s BFF show.  Truly a fame chasing hoochie.

In this episode, we are also treated to more of Mrs. B’s hypocrisy.  In a cooking challenge, they girls have to choose which mom to cook with (or cook their own “wild card” dish). EVERYONE gravitated towards Lorraine and Esther (and in the creepiest moment on the show, her son Rob blew on her neck while she was cooking to cool her down.  Whaaaa…??? ).  Mrs. B is left out in the cold and she starts freaking crying and threatening to leave because she’s offended that the girls are rejecting their Middle Eastern culture.  Or maybe they are just rejecting your bitchy racist ass!!!  And plus, the girls not choosing your dish is nothing – NOTHING – compared to saying that you don’t want a Black, Asian or Jewish daughter-in-law!

However, despite the racism, there IS someone on this show who is crazier than Mrs. B: Cara (and if Mrs. B is trying to calm YOU down, that means you are damn crazy).  When Cara gets  a “No” text at elimination, she goes ballistic and yells at the producers to get the cameras out of her face, etc.  In her grand exit speech, she sums it up with funeral-level tears, crazy eyes and these words:   “I didn’t even get a date!!! I did this all for nothing!!! I came here to date!!!”  BRILLIANT!

HOWEVER, absolutely none of this compared to THE funniest moment of the show:  Maisha’s breakdown when Brittany was eliminated.  If anyone can find this online, please link it in the comments.  That shit was HILARIOUS.  Maisha is hysterically crying/wailing and practically falling down the stairs in her high heels when she sees Brittany go.  Major Miss Americ-style freak out!!!

Interview with Megan Albertus of Momma’s Boys!

Hi Everyone,

I posted on the NBC message boards for Momma’s Boys and got in touch with the lovely Megan Albertus!

Her personality over e-mail is just as – if not more – bubbly and infectious as on the show, and I had a great time hearing her answers to these juicy, hard and fun questions!  Hope you guys enjoy hearing from the lady herself as well, and keep coming back here for more episode blogs and recaps, even though our favorite contestant is no longer on.

Megan Albertus on Momma's Boys

Megan Albertus on Momma's Boys

Megan Albertus on Momma's Boys

There’s been a lot of controversy about whether or not Megan is an actress who was hired to play a role since her IMDB and MySpace pages were found.  Here is an excerpt of Megan’s public response on the NBC Message Boards:

“First of all, I would like to thank all who tuned in to watch me bare my soul on ‘Momma’s Boys,’ regardless of your opinion of me or the show. What I thought was going to be an innocuous little love adventure, has proven to be so much more. Perhaps because this is my foray into the world of reality television and my thick skin is still developing, I feel compelled to address detractors and clear up a few key issues.

First, despite some of the theories being bandied about the internet, I was not part of some sinister plot to fool viewers! I was never anyone but myself on the program. I wish I could claim to be infinitely cooler in person, but I’m not. I simply gave NBC pure, unadulterated Megan footage and what you saw was what the network wanted you to. There are hours of footage that show my goofy side and dirty sense of humor, but it’s on a cutting-room floor somewhere. That being said, those traits are as much a genuine part of me as my cleaning compulsion and inexperience with the fellas. No one is ever as one-dimensional as they are portrayed on television. With programs such as these, the final product is a hybrid of what actually transpired and some clever trickery in the editing room to maximize viewing potential. Most intelligent people grasp this concept and take it for what it is- entertainment!

When I divulged that I am a virgin and have never had someone that would qualify as a boyfriend I was absolutely telling the truth! Why do people find it so difficult to believe? I guess I should be flattered by such doubt, but I am mostly perplexed. By such logic, just because a woman can look attractive with the help of makeup she can’t possibly have held onto her V-card for so long? Why should beauty and purity be mutually exclusive?

My chaste status isn’t so much a result of never being approached, I have been. Unfortunately, it’s mainly been by guys only interested in getting in my pants- not my heart. There was one special fellow I had very intense feelings for, but they were not reciprocated. This was my first foray into love and it was painful. Since then, I haven’t really put myself on the market. I’ve also never viewed a relationship as an integral part of a fulfilled existence. My mom has done everything on her own quite successfully, since my father passed away, and it left me with the impression that a man can be somewhat superfluous. As I mature though, I am finding that dating and relating to people does have its merits. “

Visit the NBC Momma’s Boys Message Board for the Megan’s full response

Interview with Megan Albertus from NBC’s Momma’s Boys
December 31, 2008

(Note:  JK is me, Jen Kwok, and MA is Megan Albertus.)

JK: So what everyone wants to know – were you being “you” on the show?

MA: You pretty much summed it up when you wrote: “Reality shows strive to create characters. They identify and encourage contestants to play up one aspect of their personality.  Then they edit the heck out of that footage to make people even more one-dimensional to suit the story.” There are hours of tape that do show my goofy/more profane side, but editors danced around that and did what they’re paid to do- manipulate footage.  They are the manipulators- not me!  I was just me and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for noticing.

JK: So, did you have a crush/any feelings for any of the guys in particular?

MA: Jojo was adorable, admirable in his conduct and quite a hot piece of a**! However, at 21 he was far too young for me. I felt like a cougar preying on a nubile cub- even though he had far more romantic experience than myself. I had absolutely zero connection with Michael and would have picked any girl in the house over him. With Rob, it was different. I bonded instantly with him and would have seized the chance to go on a date. He was funny, articulate and highly relatable. He was also family-minded and intent on producing offspring in the near future. I did not share this desire. Our paths were simply headed in different directions and I felt it wrong to mislead him and waste his time. I am not the type to lead a man on in real life just to see what I could get out of the situation and the presence of a camera could never alter that belief of mine. That being said, I would still love to play a game of Scrabble with him!

Hot, but too young!

Jojo = Hot, but too young!

JK: Any dates since the show?

MA: Sadly no. My time since the show has been too hectic and stressful to squeeze in a man… not that I’ve given up looking! Between moving, my beloved car (the “Megan Wagon”) dying and some health issues, I’ve not had much of a chance to chase the opposite sex. More importantly, I always insist on paying my way on a date and refuse to go out if I am unable to do this. My existence is currently a pretty meager one that doesn’t allow for much pleasure spending, but I realize that is no excuse for not availing myself to worthy fellows. I just hope that when things calm down a bit, that I can meet a someone who’s content to have cheap fun- like waking dogs, biking or meeting over coffee. Plus, now that the show has aired, a few more offers might start rolling in!

JK: I’m sure they will!  So what kind of guy are you looking for? And then once you find him, what can he do to woo you?

MA: I really don’t have a list of criteria my ideal man must meet. Physicality isn’t nearly as important to me as a terrific sense of humor, shared interests and patience. I admit, I’m a hard sell to most men. The fellow that doesn’t flee after hearing I have four cats and very little romantic experience will be the keeper! As far as wooing me with lavish displays of affection, it’s not necessary. I don’t like flashy things and have a difficult time accepting gifts. All a man has to do is be honest, allow me to retain my individuality and enrich my life just with his presence.

JK: Being such a shy person, how did you get into acting?

MA: As I child, our family endured some very difficult times- things no child should ever bear witness too, and I was always searching for a way to escape it all. Initially, I would lose myself in books, which fostered a love of stories. This progressed into a passion for movies. Being that my interests did little to help the fact I was a painfully shy introvert, my mom took action and tried to find an activity that would help make me more sociable. We tried team sports, but that was an epic disaster as I lacked any natural athleticism/coordination. Music lessons were also a bust. We then gave a summer acting camp a shot and for the first time, I remember having fun! What intrigued me most, was getting to be someone else entirely. I relished the chance to focus on memorizing lines, instead of other things. I also felt accepted amongst the theatre crowd, as all of them were the kids typically singled out by their peers as being a bit “odd.”

Megan's Head Shot

Megan's Head Shot

JK: So how often do you wash your dishes at home?

MA: Unfortunately, my single-room dwelling lacks a dishwasher, or even a kitchen for that matter! My circumstances don’t allow for much cooking, but I try to wash a dish as soon as I’ve soiled it. In fact, I’m so compulsive about this, I was recently attempting to do the dishes and simultaneously chat on the phone- ’cause that damn dish just couldn’t wait! I’m sure you can guess what happened. At least I have a rad new phone now.

JK: How long did that makeover really take?

MA: To be honest, that entire evening remains something of a blur. It was truly overwhelming. The makeover would have taken a lot less time if I hadn’t teared up multiple times at all the love directed my way. I was truly shocked and flattered that the other gals would put forth so much effort on my behalf (I think it was a way to thank me for cleaning up). All in all, I think the glam-squad took about half an hour to work their magic. I also got to keep the fake boobies I wore that night (weirdest souvenir ever)!

JK: Haha, awesome!  So you don’t get “glam” everyday, but you have those cute braids – how long does it take to do your hair in the morning?

MA: I am quite lazy when it comes to my day-to-day beauty routine and never altered this because of the cameras. I think it was because of this fact that some of the other gals deemed me as in need of a makeover (which really was done in the sweetest way). It isn’t so much that I don’t know how to achieve that look, is that I don’t really care to! I want a guy to love my for what’s in my brain, not my push-up bra! That being said, once in awhile it’s fun to play dress up and even more fun to (at least try) show that beauty and brains aren’t always mutually exclusive! As for the braids, it’s been my go-to style since I learned to braid hair as a child. I can do it in 5 minutes or less, without a mirror. I can also do a mean French Twist with only a chopstick.

JK: Do you watch the show now that it’s on the air? How does it make you feel?

MA: I never miss an episode! Now that I am no longer a part of the program, watching it is less stressful. I have some quirks and had some trepidation about revealing so much about myself. That being said, I have no regrets. In fact, the experience was kind of liberating. Also, what happens after my departure still remains a mystery to me and I’m intrigued to see what happens. I became friends with several of the girls remaining and seeing them brings back fond memories of life in the house.

JK: On a related note, this question is from the Megan Facebook group member John Wertman: “It seemed, in watching the show, that most of the people in the house – including the guys, the moms, and the other girls – genuinely liked you. Have you kept in touch with anyone from the show – and is there anyone you met that you could see yourself having a lasting friendship with?”

MA: For me, living in a house full of women was an entirely new experience. I’ve grown up surrounded by boys (a brother and all male cousins) and live a very quiet life by myself. I don’t frequently interact with people outside my family, work and a few close friends, so it was overwhelming at first. My fears were quickly assuaged though, because everyone (with two exceptions) was genuinely quite nice and lots of fun! Ultimately, the best part of the entire experience was getting to share a roof with those gals. Each woman was unique and getting to mingle with people so different from myself opened my eyes to what I have been missing by not being social. Since the show, I do keep in frequent contact with several of the girls, two of the boys and one of the moms! I may not have found love, but I did make some awesome new friends and that made it all worthwhile.

JK: You’re probably one of the few girls who fit Mrs. B’s “criteria” for a daughter-in-law. What did you think of Mrs. B?

MA: Initially, everyone looked to me as being Mrs. B’s “perfect catch.” However, she quickly found out I was far from it! One of her stipulations was that the ideal girl come from a nuclear (and preferably functional) family and that she be under a certain age. I failed on both accounts. That being said, we did bond over a mutual love of animals. In the house, we actually teamed up to rescue a giant bug that had the other girls screeching. While I absolutely do NOT agree with or condone her statements, I have a difficult time believing that someone with such a soft spot for animals is a completely bad person.

Oh, Mrs. B!

Oh, Mrs. B!

JK: So speaking of animals, do you have any funny animal stories?

MA: Well, just yesterday, my ornery cat, Baxter, decided to mark his territory on my luggage! He’s been a rebel since the day I rescued him and he hasn’t let losing an eye dampen his spirits one bit. He gained his cyclops status when, two summers ago, he decided to gnaw through a window screen and jump out a second story window. Unfortunately, he’s not the most agile cat and he landed in the bushes. In doing so, he impaled his eye on a twig and damaged it beyond repair. A visit to the cat optometrist (yes, there is such a profession) and $1000 later, he was soon healed and ready to raise hell. To this day, I think that twig might have poked his brain, because he ain’t quite right. I love him though, even if he did nearly bankrupt me.

Baxter, the one-eyed cat!

Baxter, the one-eyed cat!

JK: Poor Baxter!!! Any other stories?

MA: The Shi**y Lazy Susan. This story involves the late, great Lucky. By contrast, Lucky was a sweet, mellow ball of fluff who was always in search of a treat. In doing so, she learned to open cabinets, but never quite managed to master getting out of them once inside. One day we came home to a horrendous stink and a faint meow coming from the kitchen. We followed the sound/smell, opened the cabinet we believe to be the source, and out jumped a frantic Lucky. She was fine, the cabinet- not so much. Apparently, in our absence, Lucky had managed to open the cabinet containing a rotating “Lazy Susan” apparatus and trap herself inside. Likely out of terror, she relieved herself (#2) and ruined our foodstuffs in the process. My mom was actually contemplating salvaging some canned items, but thankfully decided against it!

JK: Any dating advice for other girls with “nerd goggles”?

MA: Find the fiercest pair of specs, ones that capture your individuality, and wear them proudly. Having the option of contacts is nice, but a funky pair of glasses can be a great icebreaker. Boys worth dating will make passes at girls who wear glasses! Such fellows tend not to be so absorbed with a woman’s exterior. That being said, never waste a minute on someone who doesn’t accept you exactly how you are, because there is someone out there who will.

JK: What’s next for Megan Albertus?

MA: I wish I knew what my future holds, but I really have no idea! Surprises are fun though. As long as I find it enjoyable, I’ll continue giving the crazy entertainment business a shot, but failing that I have a solid backup plan. I’m a very pragmatic person and assumed that I would be working in the field of forensics or entertainment writing at this stage in my life. I never intended to pursue acting after college, but did so at the encouragement of my mom. She was forced to put her dreams on hold to raise my brother and I, and wanted me to take the chance she never got. One thing is for sure, I will continue my work with animals. They bring a much-needed sense of calm and purpose to my life. I like to think of puppies as nature’s Prozac- it’s impossible to dwell on the negative when you’re in a roomful of creatures whose love is unconditional.