Caprica: So Much Booby Nun – And What About That Asian Guy?! :)

So this week’s Caprica was MUCH better in the Sister Clarice department!!!  Check it:

1/  I just loved watching that woman splayed out, high as shit on a fainting couch at the “hookah” bar.  (Bonus points if someone finds a link to this photo and posts it in the Comments section!)

2/  I also loved how she was taking shots of  “Scorpion Ambrosia” with the dead girl’s mom ( looks like Midori, but does like Tequila!).

And

3/ I LOVED how she and Amanda Graystone got really close in that “our boobies are touching” sort of way.  This woman brings out the lech in me.

Oooooh, girl! Whatchu gonna do next?!

And it’s particularly great because Sister Clarice sounds like she’s named after a cow – and also because the “official” Sister Clarice is apparently a  nun/former NASA consultant (whaaa?)!

In this episode, I also really started liking the Asian guy!

Go Cyrus!

The actor, Hiro Kanagawa, is not just the only Asian dude on the show – he’s also probably the only native Vancouver-ite (-ian?).  Oh, Canada.  Hiro was also on Smallville and starred as the title character in the quirky short film, Hiro:

THIS is how you pull off the fly look, Goldblum!

Anyway, his Cyrus Xander character is finally coming off as more of the voice of reason than the business-minded harpy.  However, I’m kind of perplexed that the Battlestar Wiki describes him as Daniel Graystone’s ASSISTANT?!  In this episode, Daniel clearly calls Cyrus “Doctor” as well – and it seems more like he’s the President/COO to Daniel’s CEO.  He’s not getting anyone coffee, and acts as the liaison between Daniel and the board.  Am I reading too much into this?!  Do I need to edit that Wiki at the risk of being attacked by harder core  BSG fans?

And although I loved the Zoe/nerdy research assistant plot line a couple weeks ago, it is just annoying me to tears at the point.  First of all, no one believes you’re a nerd when you look like an Abercrombie & Fitch model.  Secondly, Avatar Zoe (aka Zoebot) “disguising” herself with glasses is beyond cliche.  Even being self-deprecating about it is cliche.  Audrey Hepburn did it!  Rachel Leigh Cook really shouldn’t have!  Everyone else is just pushing the button on her own dunk tank!  In this case, Lisa Loeb called and wants her mid-90s interpretation of mid-50s vintage back.  Judge:

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!

But in things I love, there are the two new villains:  Tomas Vergis and Barnabas.  I am stoked because Barnabas is played by none other than….James Marsters!!!

James. Effing. MARSTERS!!!!!!

Freakin’ SPIKE from that other great fantasy TV series, BTVS:

Vampires done RIGHT! (OK, this desktop background looks soooo lame now, but back then, this shizz was tight.)

Before all this Twilight/Vampire Diaries/America’s Next Top Vampire BULL CRAP, there was Buffy.  Teenagers and vampires done RIGHT!  Sexy, not twee!

Even Jim Carrey couldn’t handle that genre:

"Once Bitten" was your "Waterworld". It's okay - everyone has a "Waterworld".

Especially if Lauren Hutton is involved - then you know it's your turn to "Waterworld". (Even if it's 10 years before "Waterworld" even happens.)

Anyway, I digress!  Here is James Marsters again, doing some Frollo stuff to himself:

James Freaggin' Marsters!

Only he could play someone named Barnabas.  And wear eyeliner.

Except, of course, this guy:

OMG, Dark Shadows! Bring on the eyeliner.

I have no idea if this new villain is named after the “Dark Shadows” Barnabus or the Apostle, but leave it to the BSG crew to make it a two-fold reference.

All the Reasons Why I Love Caprica: A Girl’s Effusive Guide to the New SyFy Series!

SyFy (why the po-mo twee re-spelling?!) has redeemed itself from being Lifetime for nerdy men with the new series Caprica.  Caprica stands out in a sea of cruddy TV movies (Flu Bird Horror, Bone Eater – really?!), but it’s not just the new series from the Battlestar Galactica guys. It’s a fucking AWESOME drama with scifi elements!  The creators described the show as “television’s first science fiction family saga”.  At first, this description made me want to break out in hives from skepticism, but when you’ve got pre-apocalyptic technology and a cast that looks like they could also be on Gossip Girl, that description is pretty dead on.

Caprica Cast

So here are the reasons to watch Caprica (numbered, but no particular order):

1.  The series is perfectly cast.  PERFECTLY.
Eric Stoltz as a prickly God-playing scientist, Paula Malcolmson as his world-weary but hot but cold but smart but superemotional wife, PATTON OSWALT as an other dimension Jay Leno-style late night talk show host (more about this later), Esai Morales as the lawyer straddling moral and cultural boundaries, and Alessandra Torresani as the rebellious daughter – SLASH – ROBOT (more about her later too)!!!

2.  Quirky-as-hell characters with mash-up personalities that would never exist in the real world.
A sexy, shirtless, tattooed, knife wielding GAY mob assassin?!  An adorable little grandma who cooks all the time and is into murder revenge plots?!  A busty nun in a group marriage?!  Yes, all these characters exist in the Caprica universe and are believable as hell.

Who doesn't want a hot gay mobster standing over their bed at night?

3.  GROUP MARRIAGE?!

4.  PATTON OSWALT is on it!!!
Was I the only one simply not satisfied by his chubby best friend role on “King of Queens” or his voice come out of Ratatouille’s adorable snout?  Finally, Patton – who is an AMAZING stand-up – has a role that plays somewhat to his strengths.  Even though his real style and material is far from punchy mainstream, he plays the role of the Baxter Sarno (Caprican Johnny Carson) with authenticity – and a little wink.  MORE MORE MORE!!  This role makes me wonder why he couldn’t be on real late night.

The thinking man's Jimmy Kimmel, no?

5.  The Mom and Dad are, like, always having sex!
Haha, WHAT?!  Eric Stoltz and Paula Malcolmson might be middle aged and grieving over their dead daughter, but they’ve always somehow got the time to bust out a nooner.  SEX!  Who doesn’t love watching TV characters having sex!  Especially if it’s inter-cut with clips of the shirtless gay mob assassin killing a dirty politician.  This show is HAWT!

These parents be HORNAAAAAY!!!!!

6.  An opening sequence that looks like Harry Potter gone Lady Gaga.
It’s a visually stunning opening sequence – otherworldly and a little artsy.  I don’t  scramble for the DVR to fast forward.  That’s how you know that shit is effective.

7.  Alessandra Torresani has IT.
The 22-year-old actress is obviously gorgeous, but she also just HOLDS the camera to her with that indescribable X-factor/charisma (much like Christina Hendricks on Mad Men).  Your eyes just go to her and you WANT to watch.  Plus, Zoe Graystone ain’t no easy role!  She plays an avatar of herself that was then put into a robot body.  There are some really cool shots of the huge killing machine robot doing certain moves that cut to Zoe doing the same moves as the robot.  In a recent episode, the robot/Zoe danced with a nerdy lab technician that is falling in love with robot/Zoe.

Robot avatar daughter.

Too bad the actress isn’t so polished in real life.

Kid, you're a star, but stop dressing like Katy Perry! And you can club, but swear to us you will not turn into another Lindsay/Hayden.

8.  Crazy Holoband world.
One of Dr. Graystone’s (Eric Stoltz) inventions is the Holoband, which enables people to travel to a virtual reality.  All sorts of crazy shizz goes on over there, like the underground club where there is tons of sex, dancing and virgin sacrifices.  The Sims on steroids for sure.

If facebook was actually on your fucking face.

9.  Easter Eggs for Battlestar Galactica fans.
I’ve seen Battlestar Galactica (the series for which Caprica is the prequel), but could never really get into it.  However, I appreciate that the writers and producers tied in elements from the other series for fans so they have more back story.  The biggest thing is that the son of Joseph Adama (Esai Morales) is William Adama, who grows up to be the commander of Battlestar Galactica (EDWARD JAMES ALMOS).  The kid who plays William is extremely smooth skinned – pock mark-justifying plot line to show up at some point?

Botox resistant. You'll never see this guy on a Bravo series!

10.  Politically/socially driven…blablabla FRAK…beautifully shot.
Apparently all the things that made Battlestar Galactica great.  The series is set off by an act of terrorism and deals with all the politics of a huge tech corporation, as well as the dirty mob-infiltrated justice system and racism.  The only thing that bothered me was that the young terrorist (Zoe’s b/f) was a brown-ish kid.  I’m sure that was a conscious decision, but…c’mon.  As with every Syfy production, they find ways to make Vancouver look absolutely gorgeous, dark and futuristic.  There are lots of cool artsy angles, and the Graystones live in a SEXY lakefront house.  And everyone is using my favorite pseud-curse word.

This house would make anyone want to take off their panties and FRAK.

BONUS REASON:  CUTE ROBOT ALERT!!
That cute little guy on the bottom right corner is the hilariously named Serge, the robot butler who scoots around catering to the Graystones’ every need.  He even screens visitors before giving them permission to enter (like VAMPIRES!).  Serge is 100% loveable and right in line to inherit the thrones held by “Robot” from Lost in Space and C-3PO from Star Wars.

SERGE:

Humidifier? Giant dildo? Future Roomba? No! It is SERGE!!!! (Wouldn't that be cool, though? Roomba Serge?)

Not to be confused with SERGIO:

SERGIO! (Click photo to watch vid on Hulu)